You Do What!
by Yer Majesty
Summary: Oneshot. Percy centric. Slash fic. The Weasleys are in for a surprise when Percy brings home his new...boyfriend!


I was watching a new comedian on the telly last night, and he said a few lines that just had me cracking up. It gave me an idea for a new story so I decided to share. I wasn't sure which character to use, but since I have other pieces in the works featuring other various characters, I flipped through 'em and I realised I didn't have one for Percy so I decided to base it on him. I hope I didn't muck it up too badly. Be warned; it's not perfect, but if you read any of my other work, you would know by now that nothing I write is, I just do it for fun. Except this I wrote all at once taking, oh, about a grand total of twenty minutes. o.o;; ...scary, that. You can probably already imagine how horrible this is probably going to be. But enough of my ramblings. Enjoy!

Special thanks to Katheryn Miller for providing me with Percy's middle name.

* * *

Percival Ignatius Weasley sighed and pushed the pile of ever-growing papers away from him. How people could spend so much of their time dwelling over cauldron bottoms was beyond him, but he was perfectly content to sit here quietly and wait out their latest craze. If they felt the topic of cauldron bottoms needed their undivided attention at the moment, who was he to argue? They would tire themselves out soon enough and it was, after all, easy money.

He let out a loud yawn, earning a few glares from the already dozing portraits. Grabbing his coat, he quietly put out the single light he had been using and made his way out of the building, nodding to the night guard as he left.

One of the few perks about working for the Ministry was the added security one received, especially now that You-Know-Who was back. Even if one was quick with a wand, there was a slim chance you could take on Him or his followers if they decided you weren't needed.

Scanning the area, he checked for any people in the vicinity, muggle or otherwise. He saw none, save for the two yellow slits peering about a pole. Slowly extracting his wand from his jacket pocket, he aimed, sending a streak of blue light towards the offending objects.

A yowl sounded and a dark shape ran into a nearby alley, scattering a few abandoned cans in its wake. "Bloody cats. Going to be the death of me one day, I say." Feeling rather silly, he pocketed his wand once again, casting one last look around to make certain he didn't attract any unwanted attention, and dissapparited with a 'pop'

* * *

Alexander West frowned slightly as he reached for the small green basket on the counter, plucked out a strawberry, and placed it atop his now three-layer cake. He had slaved in the kitchen for four hours creating his masterpiece and damn it, it would be perfect!

He started to hum lightly as he grabbed another strawberry, creating a halo-like appearance around the edges, tilting one sideways every now and then for effect.

When the last one was in place, he frowned, appraising it with a critical eye, before smiling and tossing the now empty basket in the waste bin. He spun around, hand outstretched for the rag waiting on the sink and let out a small shriek. "Damn it, Percy! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Percy smirked, pushing away from the wall he had been leaning on. "You were out of it, love. I've been here for five minutes about."

"Can't you make even a little noise to let me know you're here? This is the third time this week you've scared me out of my wits."

"But what would be the fun in that? You look so adorable when you're concentrating. What's the cake for anyways?"

"I thought it'd be nice if I took something over to your parent's house tomorrow. Try to lessen the shock, I suppose. I still don't see why you insisted on surprising them like this. You could have just saved a lot of trouble by telling them about us." The scowl slowly slid from his face as the taller man came and wrapped his arms around him, placing a light kiss on his neck. "You're cheating, you know."

"I know. But it's more fun when we don't play by the rules."

"Don't think this conversations over, because I--" He left off with a gasp as the kisses slowly traveled lower, Percy's hands sliding under his shirt. "What was I saying?"

"You were saying something about leaving the kitchen how it is for now and spending some time with your charming boyfriend."

He turned into the embrace, wrapping his arms around his lovers neck. "Sounds familiar. I should leave now if I want to get to his place before he's asleep." He gave a laugh as Percy glared at him, pulling him closer.

"You're not funny."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"I'm liking the sound of that."

"As soon as I get back from my boyfriends." He gave a laugh as he pulled away, heading into the bedroom, Percy following behind him.

* * *

"Percy! How wonderful to see you, dear!" Molly Weasley stepped up to her son, placing a kiss on his cheek as she wiped away the dust that had gotten on his robes from flooing.

"Good to see you too, mum. Where is everybody?"

"Your fathers still at work, he should be in any time now. Ron and Harry are at the twins' shop helping them close up, and Ginny is hiding around here somewhere." She gave his robe a once over and sighed. "Good enough I suppose. I swear, no matter how hard you try, you can never seem to get off all that dust. Drives me crazy."

The fire turned green and the two stepped out of the way as a body tumbled through the fire place, stumbling a bit. Percy reached out to steady the new arrival, laughing a bit at the person's slight misfortune.

Molly sent a disapproving look at her son, before smiling at the young man now in her home. "You must be Alexander. I'm Molly, Percy's mother."

"It's good to finally meet you, Mrs. Weasley."

"Please, call me Molly. Mrs. Weasly makes me feel so old."

Alex chuckled a bit. "Will do, Molly. Here, this is for you." He held up the cake and smiled. "Just finished it last night."

"Oh! Thank you! I'll just put this in the kitchen and let you two get settled in. Dinner should be done in about twenty minutes." She took the cake and walked into the kitchen, leaving the two standing by the fire place.

Alex smiled, looking over at his boyfriend. "I like her."

"Good. Come on, we can go into the living room for a bit. No one else is here yet. Well, besides my sister anyway, but mum doesn't know where she is right now."

"All right." Percy started towards the living room, Alex following behind him. "So when are we going to tell them?"

"Soon."

* * *

Harry, Ron and the twins floo'ed in collapsing against each other in laughter as Ginny came in from outside stamping the snow from her boots. She smiled at them, taking off her scarf and jacket and hanging them by the door. "What's so funny?"

"We were---and then Malfoy---and----purple!" Fred collapsed against the wall in laughter, his face turning blue from the lack of oxygen.

Ginny shook her head at the display, used to seeing a similar scene daily. "Sorry I asked."

He straightened up, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Oh, you should have been there, sis. I think it was our best day at the shop yet."

Percy had heard the commotion and came in, Alex walking behind him. "Hey guys. What's goin' on?"

The twins looked at each other before bursting in laughter once more, sputtering out random words as they did with Ginny.

She rolled her eyes at them. "You just had to ask." She gave him a hug before noticing he had a guest with him. "Who's this?"

"Oh, Ginny, this is my friend, Alex. Alex, this is my youngest sibling, Ginny."

She gave a smile and held out her hand. "Nice to meet you."

He accepted her hand, giving a small bow. "Pleasures mine."

Percy just laughed and gestured to the rest of the guys as he introduced them. "That's my youngest brother, Ron, and his best friend, Harry Potter, and the two idiots over there are Fred and George."

"It's nice to meet you all as well."

"Well, I say! That's not a very polite way to introduce your two favorite brothers!" Fred pushed himself off the wall, George following his lead. "Gred and Forge, prankster extraordinaires, and owners of the finest joke shop in Diagon Alley at your service!" They gave an elaborate bow, almost pulling it off before falling at the last second.

Molly came through the doorway, "tsking" when she saw them on the floor. "Fred, George, make yourselves useful and set the table, won't you? Your fathers here and I want to serve dinner before it gets cold."

Fred pulled himself off of the floor, offering a hand to his brother. "Really, you'd think with our level of success, we'd get just a little more respect around here.

George took the pro offered hand, getting to his feet. "Too, right Fred. Too right."

* * *

"So, Alex, what do you do?" Arthur scooped some salad onto his plate, looking at the young man who was sitting next to his oldest, well at the moment anyway, son.

"I'm actually working at a muggle history museum at the moment."

"That must be awfully exciting."

"Oh, it is. Most would find it rather boring, but I like learning about their past. If you think they're simple now, you should have seen what it was like before they invented technology."

"Oh, don't get dad started on muggle inventions, he'll go on for hours." Percy smiled at his father, letting him know not to take him seriously.

"So Percy, you said you had something you wanted to discuss with us."

"That's kind of why I brought Alex along, mum. It involves both of us."

"You're not in some kind of trouble, are you?"

"No, it's nothing to worry about. It's just kind of a big deal, and I don't know how you're going to react."

"Just spit it out, Perc. It can't be worse then Ron's little incident at Christmas."

"Shove it up your arse, George."

"Ronald Weasley! I will not tolerate that kind of language at my table!"

"Sorry, mum."

She gave him a stern look before turning her attention back to Percy. "You were saying?"

"I might as well just say it. Alex and I are involved. We've been dating for three months now." There was silence around the table as all eyes turned towards the pair.

"Three months?! Why didn't you say anything sooner? I'm so happy for you!" Ginny squealed and gave her brother a hug, before sitting back down. She sent Ron a smug look. "You owe me fifteen dollars." (can't remember how the money goes, sorry)

"You were betting on me?"

"Ginerva Weasley! How could you? Placing a bet on your own brother! And you, Ron! What kind of example are you setting for your sister?"

George leaned towards his twin, muttering a bit. "I always thought he had a stick shoved up his arse. Guess I wasn't too far off."

He had thought he said it quiet enough so only Fred could hear, but when his younger siblings and Harry started laughing, he knew he failed.

Percy colored a bit, and Alex snickered, while Molly turned red in anger at her sons antics. "George Weasley!" She gave a look around the table at her children. "I swear, I don't know what has gotten into you kids today. First placing bets on your brother, and now these lewd comments. I know I raised you better. Percy came to share this with us and we should be happy, not embarrassing him like this. You should all be ashamed of yourselves."

There was a chorus of apologies and Arthur cleared his throat, trying to find something to say. "So, just what exactly, I-I mean, uh, that is to say, wha- what d- do you two do?"

"Well, dad, you know the things you really want mom to do, but she wont? That's what we do."

Everybody burst into laughter as Molly turned red again, only this time in embarrassment. "Well, I think dinners over. Why doesn't everybody go into the kitchen while I clean up?"_  
_  
Alex stood up with everybody else, following Percy out of the kitchen. "We should come over more often, love."

"If it's like this every time, why not?"

* * *

I know it's kind of long, but I had a blast writing this piece, and the ideas just wouldn't stop. As i said, I got the idea from a comedian, I forgot who, but he said the lines "So, just what exactly, I-I mean, uh, that is to say, wha- what d- do you two do?" "Well, dad, you know the things you really want mom to do, but she wont? That's what we do." And this fic just wrote itself as soon as I heard that. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. (Again, it's not perfect, but what is?)

Anyway, If you guys see any mistakes or have any suggestions to fix it, don't be shy.

Until next time!


End file.
